Sometimes I wish for that special person to have a GREAT friendship with; the type that completes me, unconditionally. To complete this, one would need to allow people inside my "inner soul". I suppose that is why I do not feel that complete connection. Maybe it's a lack of trust, maybe I have allowed myself to completely open up, and been deeply burned. So, to prevent that from re-occurring, I keep everyone at bay. Then the other me, regrets that, feeling that I sabotage myself, to prevent hurting anyone, instead, allowing me to in essence, hurt me.