Depression: Something that seems to eat away at your insides.... Medicine: Something that prevents you from feeling it happen...

Well, here I am again, at the end of yet another Monday. I'm in bed, thinking what seems to be out loud, so it keeps me awake. Life... What is the meaning? I'm SO down on myself, and wishing that something, anything would interrupt this madness. Why can't I "get it together"? Why can't I seem to get a focus on one thing, and far exceed even my own expectations, for once? Life just seems to literally rush past is, fooling us into thinking that we have all the time in the world, then realizing at the tiniest moment that a large block of our precious life is now nothing but a memory.

Such disappointment over the gay marriage results in Maine. Why is it that some people feel and apparently are allowed to push their own agenda and beliefs on others? As I know, only GOD can judge me; no one on this earth is worthy of that task.

Sometimes, I think that I could very easily rid myself of all belongings, and choose my next "destiny". Keeping in mind the addage, you can't run from problems. So, I ask, what should I do?

Sometimes I wish for that special person to have a GREAT friendship with; the type that completes me, unconditionally. To complete this, one would need to allow people inside my "inner soul". I suppose that is why I do not feel that complete connection. Maybe it's a lack of trust, maybe I have allowed myself to completely open up, and been deeply burned. So, to prevent that from re-occurring, I keep everyone at bay. Then the other me, regrets that, feeling that I sabotage myself, to prevent hurting anyone, instead, allowing me to in essence, hurt me.

I'm feeling down, wondering what the next chapter of my life holds, and hoping it is better than the point at which I am right now. At times I feel alone, and other times that is all I crave. Why can't the person inside of me be "normal"?